VampTastic
by Sunset Clouds
Summary: “But Edward SPARKLES Sonny! He sparkles! You can’t get much better than that!” Sonny and Chad have a little war about vampires, and Twilight. All dialogue.


**Yay! Another oneshot, and another sort of update from me! I'm sort of on a roll. I hope you like this one. Ok, so of course my obsession with SWAC and also Bones got this rolling. The main character of Bones, David Boreanaz, not only plays the heroic Seeley Booth in Bones but also Angel/Angelus in Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, the latest show I have been starting to get into as well. Also, by reading about Twilight recently, and also reading the book, I sometimes argue with my friends about the differences about a Twilight-vampire and a regular, well known classic vampire, sort of like a Buffy-vampire. Thus, this came up.**

**I don't intentionally insult anything or anyone in here. In fact, I love Twilight, Edward and Robert. I just wrote this for fun. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Edward Cullen, Robert Pattinson, any vampires mentioned from Buffy, or any actors mentioned.**

"Hey Sonny!"

"Hey Chad. Uh, what are you reading?"

"Uh, nothing."

"Uh, nothing my cow! Let me see it!"

"Urg, Sonny no! No-"

"Twilight?"

"Yeah, it's Twilight."

"Why Twilight? I mean, it's, like, the stupidest book ever. Why not something more substantial like Blue Bloods?"

"Not a fan of Twilight Sonny? I'm surprised. Most girls love the book and movie."

"Well, I'm not one of them. Most of those Twi-fans, as people call themselves, are just in love with Edward Cullen."

"What's wrong with little Eddie? He's perfect in every way, and not like a classic vampire. He sparkles."

"Well, I do not care if he sparkles. He is not a vampire at all. A true vampire would burn in the sun, and afraid of holy water and crosses and all those other things real vampires are."

"But Edward SPARKLES Sonny! He sparkles! You can't get much better than that!"

"Of course I can. Just because he's portrayed as drop dead gorgeous, and just because Robert Pattinson plays Edward in the movie doesn't make him a good vampire. There are a lot of other better vampires, on screen and off."

"Oh really? Who can get better than Edward Cullen?"

"How about Dracula, Chad? Ever heard of him? Or any other of those vampires in those movies, like The Lost Boys? Or how about the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer like Spike or Angel? They're all real vampires."

"Yeah, but they're not well known anymore. Well, not as much as the Twilight vampires are. Edward's the new kind of vampire, you know, the one that doesn't burn in the sun or sleep in coffins?"

"Yeah, but they don't count as vampires then Chad!"

"Yes they do! They still can't go out in the sun, they can't sleep, and you can't kill them, besides, well, you know, biting their heads off and then burning their bodies."

"They're not real vampires. They're ones that try to be a new and better vamp, but in reality, they never will be."

"Oh, Sonny, you're just jealous."

"JEALOUS OF WHAT?!"

"That these vampires trump the old vamps any days. Robert did an amazing job at portraying Edward. As the fan girls say, he's vamp-tastic."

"….."

"You know, vampire, fantastic, put into one word, vamp-tastic!"

"…you need to stop reading Twilight Chad."

"Why Sonny?"

"So I can educate you on what a true vampire is. Maybe I'll make you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and make it your top five favourite TV Show. And I'll get you to watch some true vampire movies."

"I don't need to Sonny, I know what a true vampire is."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Just watch Twilight!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, Sonny, stop! Don't touch my book! My precious book! It's new! No, stop! Not in the water! Oh geez! Thanks a lot…"

"No problem. Now, let's go get you educated, shall we?"

"Are you going to start talking about how hot the vampires are?"

"Oh yeah, and I guarantee you that they're a thousand times hotter than Robert is."

"Doubtful."

------------------------

"I'm coming, hold your horses. Chad, what the hell-"

"Hey Sonny! You look tired!"

"Of course I'm tired Chad, it's two in the morning on a Monday. We have to go to work in about seven hours from now. I was sleeping. What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you."

"Couldn't you have called? Or better yet, waited until morning?"

"No! Well, yeah, no. I wanted to watch the next season of Buffy. I can't wait to find out what happens with Spike and Buffy and everyone!"

"Well, that's great. Go watch it at your house."

"I can't. I mean, I could, but I want you to watch it with me. Who knew that Stephanie Meyer portrayed her vampires as some new kind, when the old kind are so much better?"

"I don't know Chad. Go home."

"Wow, Sonny, you're really cranky at two am. I expected you to keep saying I told you so to me until I snap at you."

"Well luckily for you, I'm on my break from eleven at night to eight am."

"Oh, well, good, because I really need to catch up. I'm only starting season six right now. I still have a lot of vampire movies to cover, plus the rest of Buffy and I have to start on Angel and True Bloods. I heard Moonlight is a good vampire show as well, even if it got cancelled-"

"That's great Chad. Now, seriously, go home!"

"But Sonny! I wanna start watching the season and I need you there, you know, so I can talk with somebody about the show. You're the only person that's watched it!"

"Here's an idea. Watch it with your bodyguard, what's his name, Chester?"

"Yeah, Chester, big ole love. Hmm, I think he's seen the series. Maybe I will- Sonny? Aww, Sonny, why'd you slam the door in my face! It's not polite!"

------

"Oh my god, this first episode is amazing! Don't you think Chester?"

"Hmmmm…."

"Oh, don't grunt at me and suck it up Chester! It's only three am! We still have to watch at least three more episodes and then we can go to bed!"

"…."

"Ok, next episode!"

"Gahhhhhh!"

**So, what did you guys think? Funny? I went for that. Again, I have NOTHING against Twilight. It's just all the hype's gotten to me, and I had to write this down. Again, I love you Twilight and Stephanie, I really do. **

**I also got nominated in the SWAC Awards! Yay! I am so happy! At least I qualify, even if I don't win. So, thanks guys! It means a lot! Well, here's my second new story/oneshot tonight! **


End file.
